According to my 14-year-old son, a person uses a bandaide when an injury needs to heal.
"You get hurt and you patch it up."
Childhood sexual abuse. Worst than sad - devastating. Sex and smoking pot at 13 - disconnected. Woken up by your mom & brother as you are passed out in a dingy hotel with a boy far too old for you - dumb. Having your husband trade you in for another -degrading. Being stalked & abducted by a man who kills - dreadful.
. . . You can say I know much about being patched up but nothing, absolutely nothing, has compared to the gaping hole left in my life by abortion - destruction. denial. death.
What seemed so right and simple at the time has proven to be so wrong and most difficult. I'll never forget the day when I accidentally picked up a brochure detailing the after affects of abortion. My public and private life was described to a "T". It was like someone had followed me for years with a camera. I felt the blood drain from my face as the big blur of my life came into focus. Shocked I stood as the dots of my past connected right before my eyes. Abortion--- my American right--- had impaired me in ways I never had imagined.
They said it's quick, something I would never have to think about again. What deception. Without my realizing it my body, mind & soul had become consumed by abortion. My shock quickly turned into disbelief as I felt strangely relieved. My tired eyes struggled to read more. I remembered once seeing a bumper sticker that read: Of all the things I've lost in life, I've miss my mind the most. I laughed at first when I read this but now, I cried; at least within.
"I really wasn't going crazy. I wasn't losing my mind."
I was experiencing what is called post abortion trauma. This crippling blow moved me to outright anger. . .why in the world would our country legalize a medical procedure that kills so much: our children, relationships, and the future?
I was 15 at my first abortion and 26 at the last. I was driven and determined that I would be the one to decide when I became a mommy; not a positive reading on a stick. What I did not realize was whether my child was six seconds, six years old or 60; I was and would always be MOMMY.
Eleven years, three clinics, two states, seven abortions. Not once had I been told of post abortion trauma and the potential emotional and physical risks associated with abortion. I was never told you would need to mourn and cry for your 'product of conception' or 'blob of tissue'. I wasn't told that your life would be forever altered by the horrors of your 'chosen' loss; tormented by the innate longing to hold and know your children and their dreams.
No wonder I could not find a bandaide big enough to cover up my mess.
Some of the bandaides I slapped on my life included calling my abortions miscarriages,
denying others a real relationship, under-achieving, smoking pot, clingy relationships, anger, unwillingness to trust, drinking, over-achieving, sabotaging life experiences and joys, busyness, a pro-Joyce agenda, rage, substituting people relationships with pets, escaping through reading, sleep, sex, unforgiveness, etc, etc, etc.
. . .All while wearing the mask of everything's fine.
I knew something was wrong but had no idea it was connected to my abortions. The infection of this unexplainable wound would eventually demand my attention and of course more bandaides. It was like living in a twilight zone.
The warning label of abortion should read:
CAUTION: Abortion results in the death of your child, endless years of
unresolved grief, hatred towards those who betrayed you,
intense emotional pain, horrific shame, and relationship
problems with family, friends & your faith.
They said it would be over real quick. They lied.
It has lasted over 30 years.
Click here to read other stories.
Are you tired of covering up your past? Are your bandaides weighing you down? Linda Cochrane, noted author for abortion recovery shares that answering these questions honestly will put you in touch with the areas of your life that have been affected by your abortion(s).
|Questions women can ask themselves:
- Do you find yourself struggling to turn off the feelings connected to your abortion,
perhaps telling yourself over and over to forget it?
- Did you stop growing emotionally after you abortion? Do you find yourself repeating
- Are you resentful and unforgiving toward anyone for his or her involvement in your
abortion? This might include parents, boyfriend, husband, the abortionist, or
DId you know abortion inflicts pain on men?
Linda also shares, "these fathers are 'silent, wounded warriors' who are suffering from fear, anxiety, anger, guilt, grief, and depression. Men who have lost a child to abortion have an unexplainable need to defend their masculinity, causing confusion and strife in their relationships."
Questions men can ask themselves:
- Have you felt a vague sort of emptiness leading to a deep sense of loss?
- Do you find yourself reacting to your girlfriend's or wife's hurt?
- Do you in any way feel responsible for this hurt?
- So you feel extra pressure to see her through this pain?
- Do you tend to look at your life in terms of before and after the abortion?
- Has your self-esteem changed?
- Has your sexuality been traumatized after or before your abortion(s)?
Recovering from the pain of abortion, living beyond the bandaideTM is possible for men and women through the power of prayer and the healing love of Jesus Christ. The celebration of a new baby and the grief of losing a loved one are not just a woman's issue; they are a man's issue too. Healing A Father's Heart, is Linda's post-abortion Bible study for men.
As for me my life drastically changed two months after my little family packed up the cars and headed south to Fort Lauderdale in 1988. A month later I thought I was pregnant and needed a pregnancy test. Money was tight. I pulled out the yellow pages at work and quickly dialed the local abortion facility I knew where you could get a free pregnancy test. Was I ever surprised to learn at the appointment I had called a pregnancy care center instead of an abortion facility. I didn't even know these places existed.
Joy, kindness and free resources to help with my pregnancy was provided as I became a client and then later a volunteer of the center. Little did I know if you had abortion in your past they would want you to go through their abortion recovery program. The power of praying strangers and divine intervention touched my hard heart as I participated in Forgiven and Set Free, Linda's post-abortion Bible study for women. I was so afraid to look back at my choices and fearful the center would bounce me right out the door when they learned that I had lied on the volunteer application. I'd put down 'two' abortions. I had entered this 10-week recovery group as a very dark, sad, confused gal dedicated to hiding my secret number and left as a woman shining His goodness; freed from the shame of my mistakes and the guilt of my sin.
You see I am a B-I-G mess turned miracle.
As Matt Redman sings, "And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on a glorious light beyond all compare. And there will be an end to these troubles..." hold on and know there is NO mess too big for God. In the documentary "I was wrong." Norma McCorvey, the former Jane Roe of Roe v. Wade, tells us how she never had an abortion but through her name millions upon millions of women like me, have. And if we, two women who made so many wrong choices can be forgiven and restored, how much more can He do for you!
Yes, whether you were the one who counseled another to have an abortion, drove them to the clinic, forced your girlfriend/wife/daughter/sister to abort or denied yourself & the baby's father the life of your child; it is possible to live beyond choice.
Do you have an injury that needs to heal? Sometimes our wounds do require bandaides. Is it time to get rid of your bandaides?
OK here's the real deal... it does hurts when the bandaides come off but in the recovery group you are among others who know this loss and struggle. Together through the Lord's gentleness and compassion for those who mourn; you embody the stages of grief sharing your deepest sorrows and celebrating your new life through tears and laughter.
My 14-year-son also told me when asked about bandaides, "it hurts less when the water of the shower removes your bandaide." Perhaps in life this water is the sweat and tears we shed as we strain to ignore all the warning signs that something's wrong. And when the bandaide falls off we place a new one on continuing this crazy cycle. In abortion recovery you learn how our wounds are washed, cleansed and healed through the Holy Spirit who is often referred to as water. Guess what? The bandaides are no longer needed nor desired. So... which water would you prefer? Do you want to made well?
Forgiveness and the cleansing of the things I have done wrong make it possible for me to share these experiences with you. Peace and renewed hope in the arms of mercy I did find when I allowed the tender touch of Jesus Christ to get rid of the bandaides of my past and heal my today - I am delightfully loved.
Everybody makes mistakes: some small, some large.
All actions have consequences: good and bad. We radiate light with the good and often plunge deep into dark with the bad because of our unwillingness to admit that what we did was wrong. The consequences of abortion are often hidden unbeknownst to us in the shadows of our thoughts, actions and emotions.
Are you like me, one who believed in the false hope of abortion? Read more of just how wrong I was. Or did another force you into aborting the child you desperately wanted? Perhaps your dreams, aspirations, career or even pocketbook motivated you to become a consumer of choice. Are you tired of being disconnected to your moments and memories? Does just your presence cast darkness upon even the happiest of times? Do you feel out of control, slowly slipping away?
Did you know that it is with light that we
bring the soul and spirit back?
Imagine a God powerful enough to let pure light shine into the secret sorrows of your heart. It can happen. This is real. It's time to get the basics right. Recognize and admit that your life is of need of light. Take hold of your own recovery by believing in God and opening the door to the light of a new day.
For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun!
Do you not see it?. . .
Isaiah 43:19, NLT